Let Me Burn In That Fire

The time did come when I heard those words from you
I was not surprised because I’ve known of it all along
I feel the same way long before yesterday
I just waited, I’ve waited

Time came when I fell for somebody else
But you are always with me
You are this close to my heart
You deserved to be loved more than anyone else

I love you and I will always will
How I wish I can take the pain I made you feel
Let me take the hurt, let me take the blame
Let me burn in that fire, let me be the one to die

I never thought I can hurt you this way
Hurting you is the last thing I want to do
You are tough yet you are gentle
You are silent at times yet very pure

You trusted me with blind eyes
You already caught my heart with that
You became a friend, you became more than that
As times went by and by

I was touched with your words
I felt their sincerity
If only I can love another
If only I really can

I know I’ve done the right thing
Honestly telling you what I am feeling
I know things would now be different
Things will be very far than before

Your promise of happiness was very tempting
I know you can give that, you are a man of your words
If only I can take the blow of things
I would rather be the one to take all the pains

I love you
But there’s nothing I can do
I have to make things work first
I have to try everything as I know you would like me to do


Can I preserve what you are feeling for me?
I know this is so much to ask
You deserve true happiness
You deserve it more than anyone else

I couldn’t stop asking why this is happening
Why now, why not before
But again He always bring me to my senses
Everything happens for a reason, everything is within reason

I don’t deserve your love
For you felt pain which you doesn’t deserve to be
How I wish I can take it all away
How I wish you will still stay

I am praying for your happiness
I may feel a bit restless
You deserve all the love in the world
You just deserve it all

I want to shout out loud
I want to ease the pain, this pain I am feeling
Why are we deprived of this happiness?
The one you are promising which I’ve been missing

Still we have to be strong
Because we know what’s right from what is wrong
Who knows what the future will bring
I just hope I can still be alive by then

I just want you to know
Wherever you are, whenever that will be
I have loved you and it will stay that way
I do wish of seeing you one day

Let go of your feelings for me
Let me suffer the hurt, let me endure the pain
Let me have it all
I want you to be spared, I want you to be still whole

doomed!

God knows that I would rather be in the hospital right now (rendering possible “student” nursing’s interventions) than sitting right here and now exercising my fingers in this very early time of the day…for me…since I am not really a morning person. But then, something happened which unfortunately led me to just stay put and kind of annoyed at myself ( though am trying to justify things that doesn’t need any justifications at all). L
*Sighs*
Okay, okay…due to my alarm clock (my cp actually) which happened to have died in the middle of the night (yeah the battery :/) I was not able to wake up (on time!!!) to get ready for my early clinical duty…today!!!… with an endorsement at 8 am for an 8 hours shift until 4 later this afternoon. Though I would like to tear apart my cp for causing me some of this distress, but yeah I just can’t. Now I am just trying to see things on their bright side. Trying to plan things ahead…on what I can possibly do in the next hour just to be productive and in return sort of so I can forget some of the miseries I just put myself into. Could you believe that? I know I was being stupid letting Mr. Sleep lured me into a deep slumber when I was trying to drain out the remaining life of my cp’s battery just so I can recharge it, ready for my supposedly whole day’s activity today. But good gracious!!! My oh my! Now I don’t know what’s going to happen to me today. I don’t want to torture myself with regrets, thinking many what ifs and maybes. I can’t turn back the time anyway. I am missing the guys as well. Yeah, there’s a reason behind this and as much as I would like to find out what it is at this very moment, I know I just can’t ( that is if it isn’t the right time yet…of course). Actually I am sort of imagining myself in my Type A uniform, laughing with my mates inside the hospital...smiling here and there, saying hellos and all. How I am missing it at this time. Super grrrrr…Though I can say that it’s really tiresome at times but then it’s fulfilling as well. I won’t be able to see Mrs. Alamo before her scheduled operation today…I will miss giggling while chatting with Donatot and the rest of the gang…possibly asking Jane what time did she really sleep last night (as it happened that she was the last person I had the chance of talking with before I called it a night). Hehehe, there is really no use crying over spilt milk. I am not feeling bad at myself because I know He put me in this situation for a reason. Though people in the household were sort of the ones who freaked out when they learned about my dilemma earlier, I was just cool. No use blaming anybody or anything ( my cp in this case ). Hehehe, poor cp, it can’t defend itself so I better give it a rest. I am just hoping for some divine intervention just so I can make it up for my absence today. If possible not an extension, please. L I am willing to take the graveyard shift in exchange for a possible days of extension. What a life! I just hope Ate Ems won’t be chuckling if she happens to read this and if ever that she has (if heaven today isn’t really on my side, hehehe), hope no “ I told you so” would evolve. LoL. She was kind of concerned last night about me sleeping late and that I might not make it before or on time for the endorsement. Uh oh! Now I am doomed!!! Since I overslept, I guess I better continue and take advantage of this chance of getting more sleep.
*Yawns*

1 vs. 100

I would rather be branded a crying lady than being referred to as one of President GMA’s attack dogs…this is in relation to the most talked about scandal as of press time. ZTE’s broadband deal has brought and stirred awareness to all Pinoys (who happens to be aware about the present situation) about the government’s irregularities or (okay, just so I won’t be too obvious on what side I am taking I will rephrase what I have just said) ”some” of the present administration’s wrongdoing. I did not really paid much attention to this issue when it first surfaced last year I guess (if I am correct with the time) but as the new year unfolded, the subject just got hotter and hotter…to the point that it is scorching now just like the approaching summer heat. I thought way back then that this matter will just go away as fast as it showed up. But no, to my surprise it is still here…lingering and still is burning, affecting especially those people who have been in one way or another have something to do with it…directly or indirectly. Mr. Joey de Venecia is said to be the whistleblower (the son of the then Speaker of the House) and so I thought that these are all part of a drama (since I assumed that he won’t go against the administration). I am already saturated with scandals which involve GMA…be it about her leadership and even her family…for it comes and goes as it pleases. Just some diverting tactics and the issues would just disappear into thin air, it would even left me wondering at times if certain matters were brought up in public at all or was I just hallucinating. I’ve never been in this country long enough to be really credible on what I am saying especially with regards to politics, but as far as I can remember, the current government has been born with controversies and scandals and I am afraid that it will end also with what it was born with. I won’t fail to mention that I admire Mr. Lozada for his stand…that is for telling the truth even though that his and his family’s life are at stake. He is not just dealing with some common tao here but with what we call as people who happened to have acquired some power in our society. We have FG as the spouse of our beloved president, ES which stands for Executive Secretary, et al, who have already been linked to this mess. Hmmm, did I mention the word Maam? I guess not but Mr. Lozada surely did. For me, there is no big deal about this (at first) but when the younger de Venecia linked FG’s name and then months after the senior de Venecia was ousted from his office as the Speaker (thanks to the sons of Her Excellency who happened to be both congressmen), there and then I was convinced that something is not right and need to be divulged. My admiration goes to the young de Venecia too, if people could be just like him, no fear, no hesitations about telling the truth then I guess this nation would be a different place. Credibility checks were already slapped at Mr. Lozada’s face but I am glad that he did not waver from what he believes in, that is to let the truth be known by his countrymen. I also find him humble, enough to admit that he is no saint, that he also had done things not worth reminiscing for it can only bring guilt feelings to him. What struck me the most is his admission that he is doing these all because he wants to preserve what little self respect he still has… make up for all the mistakes he have made in the past and that he knows that this battle is worth fighting and dying for. It also amazes me how a simple truth can be distinguished from a dozen of complicated lies. This conflict can be envisioned as like that of the game show of ABS-CBN, the 1 vs. 100, wherein Mr. Jun Lozada (the contestant) is facing the mob composed of GMA’s warriors. I have a high regard for the star witness’ consistency on his statements compared with those of his opponents. They may be too many to count and mention but their words have so many loopholes in it I am even worried at times that they might get confuse and be lost in the kind of world that they are trying to build around them. A make-believe…as I understand it. They are already becoming very pathetic to the public’s eyes. I know others’ opinions greatly differ from mine, but I don’t care. I am just sick and tired with the kind of government we have today. An economist she is, with an economy boom that she’s so very proud of …but the question is…Is this enough? Why can’t we all feel jovial and contented like them who are under the palace’s roof? Why is it not that visible in our country today, especially in the countryside? Yeah, it isn’t an overnight change ( as what others would like to point out ), but when can I or shall I say we…can truly feel this progress that few people are talking about? Maybe it’s still early for me to notice it today…but when exactly that time will be? When I am already a grandmother? Or maybe it would still be again too early for me that time to notice this slight change that some of us is bragging about. Duh! Maybe when my grandkids’ grandkids will have grandkids of their own...I do hope I am wrong. I just want to live in a country better than this. These scams are not really helping but we have no choice, it is already here and as Filipinos, we should do our part. But I am confused myself on what I should do as my part that can help alleviate the kind of condition our beloved country is now facing. I hate violence but right now I think we are not far from it. As the battle between the truth and lies still continues, we all can’t really rest. I think GMA is a capable leader, but with all the controversies that she had gone through it has somehow affected and tarnished the confidence the people have towards her. Since the beginning of her reign until now…she is always bombarded with protests here and there, destabilization schemes and with this latest…the assassination plot. Hmmm…another diversion tactic? Only God knows.
I just want the truth and justice to prevail this time. Give an end to this chaos and if possible something should be done to people to stop their greed and not just to “moderate” them. Dysfunctional procurement or whatever it is that our government’s system is into these days, I just hope and pray that the crocodiles would be enlightened and just do the right things that they ought to be doing given that they are in the position to serve the people…the Filipinos…their constituents.
To Mr. Lozada, may you continue the fight and now you already know that you are not alone in this clash…the Filipinos who are into unveiling the truth are right behind you. You may be a crying lady to some…but you are a hero to many.
If only Sen. Trillianes is as free as a bird.

Destiny

Life in general is very confusing, very vague. We don't know what's ahead of us...what's going to happen, when that time will be and how it's going to take place. As much as we would like to stay happy all the time, there are just times that we can't...in my case that is. But then as this is a part of life, one should never give up. One should rise everytime he/she falls. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel anyway.

I prefer simple things but sometimes i can't help complicated stuffs. As it is destined to happen then it definitely will happen, no matter how much we would like to prevent that to actually occur. Life is good though. We are free to actually do what we want to but of course we should also face the consequences that will accompany with what our previous actions had been.

Yeah, we just have to stay cool and live our lives to the fullest.

Ciao! :)